


Down

by Caslock



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, Other, davefefsol, davesol - Freeform, fem!sol - Freeform, solfefdave
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-04
Updated: 2014-11-04
Packaged: 2018-02-24 02:01:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2564120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caslock/pseuds/Caslock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's 2014 but that doesn't mean Lux can't still listen to Blink 182 and cry her eyes out over a silly cute boy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. seven sisters

Those who say love is a singular thing, a noun, a once in a lifetime experience, have most likely never known what love actually is.  
There are writers and poets and singers who have spent the majority of our time on earth writing and singing about what love is and how it should feel and why we feel that way, even going so far as to say that it is the reason we exist. To be fair, it most likely is. Our relationships and how we deal with them are the only thing we have to show for being alive.

When we talk about love, we say it’s something that happens between two people, between the nervous boy and the girl next door; they fall in love and get married and spend the rest of their days together. Why do we never hear about the nervous girl who falls in love with the girl next door? And when we do, why is it riddled with how wrong she feels about it? People have been denied the true meaning of what it is to fall in love for far too long.

Love is a radio wavelength and means an infinite number of things to everyone.

Love can be so tremendous; it seems silly to keep it so confined.

_“He made the world_   
_a grassy road_   
_before our bare_   
_wandering feet.”_

Internalized misogyny is a hell of a drug.

Alright, it’s not a drug, but to Lux Captor, it was a habit so deeply ingrained that it would take many, many years to unseat, and many more after that to dig through and relearn how to love herself and every other woman on the planet.

Lux was born in the late 1980s and assigned the female gender before she could wrap her head around what gender actually meant. She was raised by her two dads who were very good to her, if not constantly at work. They never held her to any standards and comforted her when she cried. By the time she was 17, she had been sexually assaulted, physically abused, and watched her boyfriend stick a gun in his mouth after beating her.

After that, however, it got infinitely more tolerable.

All the boyfriends she had been with were unbroken, proud things who knew about her past and labeled her a controlling bitch. Sure, she wanted to know where they were at all times, not because she didn’t trust them, but because she was worried they were dead.

Things changed when she met Feferi. Feferi was the kind of girl who shone so brightly it often hurt, but you got over it because it was light and the light was beautiful after a long day of darkness. Lux had been dating someone when she met Feferi, but it didn’t take too many sleepless night wrapped up in her arms with her face buried in two feet of soft black hair before she couldn’t stand it anymore, and moved in.

Lux would often look down at her own body, still young, but too thick around the waist, her breasts too big and her face too fat. Her hair constantly changed but she always wore glasses that spanned the majority of her face, making it more tolerable to look at.

Five months after they moved in, Feferi got down on one knee outside their apartment and asked Lux to marry her. Lux had never been more sure about anything in her life when she said yes.

Meeting Feferi’s friends was wonderful, since Lux barely had any friends of her own. Her one friend, Aradia, had started out as a jealous thing, then moved onto a heated night where they kissed on the floor in her living room to Massive Attack, then settled into a friendlier thing. Lux would always love her. Feferi had many friends, and one day, four of them drove up to their city for a visit. One of them was named Dave Strider and he was attractive in an unorthodox way.

Looking back on it, Lux can actually remember looking at him for the first time and tilting her head with a bemused smile on her face. She also remembered the first time she laid eyes on Feferi, how time had stopped and she knew that instant she would marry the woman. This was different. This was looking at a train wreck and having the sinking feeling that something wasn’t going to end well but she wasn’t quite sure why. This was a friend of a friend and her stomach still dropped twelve feet.

Again, Dave wasn’t a generic kind of attractive. Feferi had a certain charm that anyone could see: wide eyes that were set perfectly, even more so without her glasses, jet black hair that never seemed to look bad. Even Lux had a certain way about her that made her stand out as beautiful to a lot of people. Dave was sort of lanky and his hair stuck up like a cockatoo, but his eyes were warm and his laugh was infectious. He was also sort of a fucking ganz, a dorky asshole who laughed at his own jokes but it was acceptable just because it was him doing it.

It was the very late 2000s, and Lux, Feferi, and their surly but gold-hearted roommate Karkat all had Xbox 360s and spent most of their days playing video games. Feferi had always been more of a Nintendo girl, her heart steeped in love for Zelda and Metroid, while Lux and Karkat had been fans of first person shooters for as long as they could remember. When Halo had been released, Lux was the first in line for it and fell in love immediately. Karkat had started playing Call of Duty and had gotten Feferi into it. Lux didn’t fall into that sham, and played more single player games on her own time, except for when Feferi was at work until the wee hours of the morning and Lux and Karkat found themselves drinking a bottle of white wine each and playing Halo 3 until Feferi got home.

Dave also played video games, but he played for the achievements and got all of them on the majority of the games he played. The first time he played with Lux and Karkat and Feferi, it was the Firefight mode in Halo: ODST, a mode where the four of them had to beat wave after wave of the Covenant, with each round lasting about 20 minutes. Many years later, Dave had mentioned that first time.

“You know, I thought you were the coolest girl I ever met,” he had said, looking down at their hands, “never heard someone talk so much shit in my life.”  
And it was true, Lux certainly had a colorful vocabulary and wasn’t at all ashamed for using it.

The decision to become poly was simple, but not easy. Feferi had so much love for everyone in the world; it seemed like a waste to keep it confined to the standards of the majorly accepted relationship model. Lux was a quasi-emotionless wreck who loved very few people very deeply, but was also aware that she could be completely unlikeable. She was too mentally unstable, too sort of ugly, too clingy and emotional. When she did love someone, it was far too much, far too fast, and she couldn’t control it.

It would take the majority of her life to unlearn all the hatred for her first gender, but Lux finally started to unpack the misogyny she had internalized over the years and learn to be okay with herself.


	2. golden age

_“Put your hands on the wheel,  
let the golden age begin.”_

Soon after Feferi proposed to Lux, Dave and his girlfriend announced that they were having a baby. Lux beamed at the news; she didn’t know Dave that well and knew his girlfriend, Jade, even less, but the thought of their relationships moving forward made her feel normal, like things were going to be okay.

            Feferi and Lux drove downstate the spring that Dave and Jade’s daughter was born and as Lux held tiny Rose in her arms, she thought to herself that maybe she could have a kid someday too and make Feferi a proud mother.

            The trouble wasn’t even visible at first. It was a storm in the Gulf of Mexico that no one acknowledged because it was so small and let’s face it, Florida stopped giving a shit about every single tropical event that happened from June to November. It started with Lux wanting to go to Orlando for a show that she hadn’t been to in a couple years and wanted to start the tradition again. Dave lived there, so he had offered for her to stay with him while she was down there. It was a wonderful idea and she was excited about it at first.

            Then at the last minute, she didn’t go.

            She had enough money and the time off, but instead she stayed at home on her vacation days and played Fable II by herself the entire time. She stopped playing Halo and started playing Minecraft and Skyrim, until Dave got all the achievements for Skyrim and she couldn’t deal with the bastard anymore.

            They didn’t talk a lot at first, just casual texts from time to time or the occasional liking of a status or picture on Facebook. Lux didn’t know when, but sometime after their wedding, she and Dave became much closer.

            When they were in middle school, Feferi and Dave had sworn to be each other’s maid of honor/best man when they got married. When Feferi stayed in Tallahassee and Dave had moved, however, things switched around a little. Feferi met Karkat and now they were inseparable best friends. Dave completely understood, but when he came to town for the wedding, he would look over at Karkat, frowning and sighing dramatically.

            As for Lux, she knew that Aradia would be standing next to her and Aradia knew it too, but it didn’t stop the pair from jumping up and down when Lux asked her to be her maid of honor. Their bachelorette parties were held at their two friend’s houses that were only a block apart. At some point in the night, Feferi’s party had wandered drunkenly to Lux’s, hoping to crash it but walking into a living room blaring old porn and drunk laughter from Lux and her friends.

            “Aw that’s not fair!” Feferi had whined jokingly, “someone warned you that we were coming! Who was it?” She had looked around the room animatedly, trying to find the culprit. Lux looked at their friend Roxy and gave her a silent nod of thanks. After Feferi’s party had left, both parties had decided to call it a night and settled down, except for Dave, who had been silent most of the time. When Lux acknowledged him with an inquisitive glance, he gave her a strange look before smiling and heading after Feferi.

            He was in most of the wedding pictures. Lux, Aradia, and her two other friends, John and Roxy were in one group, while Feferi and Karkat stood next to Dave and their friend Jane. The sky had never been bluer and the air had never felt as crisp as it did that late October day. Behind the arch where they said their vows, a family was setting up a picnic and a kid was running across the grass, a kite trailing above him. It was the best day of Lux’s life.


End file.
